Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Gratitude of Adversity



(I'm not 100% sure where I'm going with this, but hopefully I'm going in the basic direction.) J

Rahsaan Roland Kirk had been blind almost since birth. He composed and performed music often with more than one instrument; as in he used his mouth and his nose. Two years before he crossed he had a stroke that left him paralyzed on one side of his body, but continued to compose and perform. His music is jolly stuff.

Last year, I went to a convention and Kyle Maynard spoke. He was born with no limbs. He wrestled and played football in high school. He owns a gym in Georgia. He drives. He lives in a 3-story home (bedroom's at the top). He wrote a book about his life (New York Times Bestseller). He bear crawled up Mt. Kilimanjaro (Yes. Bear crawled.). The only things different from his life and yours is that he has a special chair in his kitchen to get to the sink, his truck is modified, and buttons are the bane of his existence (His words.). He focuses on the things that are good and right. Sound logic.

I remember a lady at my church who taught theater, singing, and dance. Her husband is a really nice guy and they have grown children. She suffered a series of strokes, and up until she couldn't communicate or move very much, she was in senior centers encouraging movement and joy (Yeah, I know that's a bit flowery, but it's a truer condensed version of what she did.) I give her mad props for "raging against the dying of the light." Her memorial service mirrored the joy she brought to the world. I am all the better for having known her.

My maternal grandmother gave birth to six children but she raised so many more. She was kind of the silent, "It takes a village." A model of hard work. She was a widow by the time I was born. She never lost her humanity. She cared for us fiercely. She told the funniest stories and one I put into a vignette.  I know how to iron. I dress like a lady. I love to cook for others (I twitch a little when the house isn't as clean as I'd like it when people come over, but it's better than not caring.). I quote her sometimes. It was disorienting when she crossed, but I knew what I could to honor her was to be the best I could be at ___________. At first I was a mess (and we'll talk about that in a minute.), but now that , 7 years later, I've gotten myself together and my perception of life is much, much clearer, I'm revisiting her words and what she did. She's a neat lady. I miss her presence, but she hasn't gone anywhere.

So the day after I posted the last blog, I was in the shower and thinking about my life. And I had to give myself some credit; I have survived a lot of crap. What prompted this thought was when I was in graduate school. My grandmother crossed the month before I started. The day after I started my first class, I was laid off from my job (the week before Thanksgiving so I had the feeling of failure and having to face my extended family.). I got high as much as I could. I stayed in my bathrobe a lot. To say that I was "disconnected" is the understatement of the century. By a miracle I have no right to fully claim, I graduated.

Compared to people I personally know, who have survived all of the things a human being can endure (from the "mundane" to the horrific) and NOT turn into a $h!thead, takes moxy. And it takes a person with that kind of moxy to be able to share their life, (whether with words and/or actions) not necessarily to others but FOR others.

So by the time I finished listening to Kyle's words I was in a place of "Okay, if I can accomplish so much limited by my addictions and fears years ago, I can accomplish so much more now that I'm no longer under that yoke," and then my inner rationalist kicked in, and the rest is, as they say, is history.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Yep. Not Going to Drink Anymore (Or, Warts and All)



Hi, all.
Happy New Year.

I know what you're thinking after reading the title.

There is an interesting thing that has occurred when I have received my attunements with each level of Reiki.
I've mentioned it here in my writings (pretty sure. don't hold me to it) and when I teach classes on essential oils, after each level I become sensitive to something, or I "loose the taste for something." To give you an idea:

Before Reiki:
I drank.
I drank a lot.
It was nothing to drink a 12-pack of beer (especially in college), or an entire bottle of wine [or 1 glass short of a bottle (how about that for some double meaning?)]. I could have built a respectable-sized house with all the pot I smoked.

After Reiki:
After my second level attunements I meditated and asked for guidance for what I should do with my life. That night I dreamt of my grandmother holding a dime bag in her hand and looking at me with severe disappointment (my grandmother crossed 2 ½ years before). The next day, I had no desire to smoke pot. It wasn't a "my grandmother will haunt me if I ever smoke pot again." There was no fear. There wasn't even anything resembling guilt. There was only "I don't want to smoke pot anymore." And so I didn't. This was after years of knowing that I needed to stop and the urge to keep going felt too strong. Every once in a while I thought about smoking again, and realized I would have to start all over again on not smoking. Or when I got a mild urge, it had been such a long time and the rare times I was at a party where someone had the scent on their clothes it turned my stomach.
Drinking had pretty much been downgraded to occasionally with a meal [i.e., a Margarita (maybe 2) with Mexican food.].

After my Master Teacher attunements I have discovered chocolate makes me feel like I'm high (I'm a little sad about that because, as a foodie, I like the taste of chocolate, but carob is a respectable replacement).
Which brings me to wine.

For the record, I did not get drunk during the holidays. I had A glass of wine at dinner on Christmas Eve WITH dinner and three glasses of wine at WITH dinner several nights later.

Let me repeat: I did not get drunk.
I know what drunk feels like.
Blurry vision, slurred words, struggling to speak correctly, struggling to maintain balance. Doing things you have no business doing (the adults in the room know what I'm talking about).
I. Know. Drunk.
And if I didn't know it, I've certainly been around enough people who have been.

The best I can describe is what I felt last week as having had a psychedelic experience. DISCLAIMER: I have only tried acid once a really long time ago, and I have been sleep deprived for one reason or another as well, so I think that counts too.

Okay, so, as I'm drinking wine with dinner and I'm talking to my friends at the table,  it felt like my true self retreated/was pushed back to my core, a perfect, H-D clear, piece of glass separated me and the obnoxious loud mouth talking WAY too much and had control of my body. When I realized this was happening and that I didn't feel drunk, I became confused and embarrassed. This was "mild" at Christmas because of the one glass, but I did deduce that it was the alcohol because that was the only common denominator and my "Der-ness was exponential the night I had the 3 glasses with the same dumb-dumb "symptoms."

Who the f*&ck wants to feel like that?
Not this Goddess. No Ma'am.

I did my best to take control of myself and calm down. I felt the paranoia of pot and that has never felt good, even when I had no desire to quit smoking.

So, I'm not drinking anymore.
I've lost the taste for it.


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The language at the end may be a little course, but you can't say I'm not being honest.


Wow.
I don't even know where to begin.
There has been a lot going on (understatement of the millennia).
Still married. Things in that regard are going really well.
Still have cats. They are still just as spoiled, if not more so, than ever.
Still editing. Still writing.
I am a level 1 scuba diver, certified in open water, computer, and nitrox (thank you very much, fellow student divers, great instructors, and dive master at Choo Choo Dive and Aquatic).
I am a Reiki Master Teacher and I continue to work with some pretty awesome people from all walks of life.
For the most part, I've done things I've wanted to do. Things that have made me happy (bit of a change from the past few years).
So to start somewhere
As I said, I am a Reiki Master Teacher now. It's interesting how I feel about it. I don't feel as "scrambly eggy" as I did with the levels one and two attunements, but I have noticed my sensitivities and taste and distaste for things have changed. In coming up with some sort of comparison an image came to mind: haloclines of Cenote Angelita in Mexico.
A halocline (trying to keep from getting super technical here) is the layer between the fresh water above and the salt water below. This particular halocline is cloudy and is composed of rotted tree and other plant matter.
As I adjust to my attunement, I feel as though I've moved from one level of existence to another, but some days, as I struggle with my ego I feel like I'm still in the rotting decay. Please don't misunderstand. This is not a bad thing. This is a huge and wonderful thing I am trying to explain and I don’t know if I can do the feeling justice. I can say with certainty the responsibility of who I am now is astronomical compared to where I was and I accept it not without fear, but with a stronger awareness of what this means outshines any fear that attempts to manifest itself. I don't know if this is just the way of things (everyone's path is different), or something else, but everyday is another new day. It's almost like I got a new set of eyeballs and an upgraded brain (maybe I'm an energetic bionic woman. joking…just a little…maybe.)
My ego has always wanted me to be a pretentious, angry asshole. Quite honestly, I'm fantastic at being an asshole. I think I have a certificate somewhere. Have you ever seen the documentaries on the Science Channel about super nova? Yeah. That was the old me from long ago. I was quite splendid at explosive anger. Now I'm choosing to root for Team Kristie Comes from Joy. I feel better at the end of the day. I've been able to accept responsibility in enabling my ego at times with half truths instead of just doing what I know I should do (everything from the mundane to the profound).
Wow.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The Nth Revelation (Because tweets just weren't working)

Well!
So the reinvention of myself included bath salts.
People who know me are not surprised by this.
I came across a company named doTerra and at first I was just drawn to the oils. How wonderful  they smell, their purity (they're used at Vanderbilt University in my home town. Very cool), and it didn't take a lot of drops to make a batch of bath salts.
But as I found out more about the oils:. How you can cook with them (I'm SO looking forward to that class), how the plants aren't destroyed when they take the leaves and petals for the oils, how effective they are with no adverse effects, I was quickly won over.
Side effects are a big deal breaker for me.
For about 2 months after a series of personal and professional losses, I was prescribed Zoloft. This was my first real experience with side effects. I was no longer depressed, but I was no longer really happy.  My temper was shorter and it greatly affected my drive. Looking back on it, I felt like I floated through life with weights on my legs.
Not fun.
Withdrawal was an even better block party. There is nothing more annoying after the 1st 2 weeks of Zoloft withdrawal than hallucinating 3 inch cockroaches crawling over everything for 3 months.
3 months.
The 1st 2 weeks I thought our house was infested with roaches.
2 weeks.
3 inch roaches.

The point of why I bring this up is that, years later, I am in a MUCH better place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, but I am juggling A LOT of things that fill me with joy. I am a writer, editor, transcriptionist. I volunteer with our local food coop. I'm a pretty dedicated de-clutterer. I herd a husband and 2 Siamese cats.
My day is full.
But I could tell that it was wearing me down. I'm really militant about no-sugar. No sodas. I tried pre-natal vitamins (came from a store I trust and still shop), extra vitamin D...pick something (reasonable), I've given it a good college try.
The only thing that came incredibly close were herbal infusions. Nettle, Oat Straw, and Red Clover. They are incredibly nourishing, but I could never drink them with any consistency, and I still had an odd habit of not getting a full night's sleep the week before my cycle starts.

In comes doTerra.
I was invited by a friend to a class and I was really impressed. I figured I would sign up, get the oils at a wholesale price, thus cutting the cost on overhead on the bath salts. Makes great business sense.
But then I found the lifelong vitality pack and then it got personal.
They're pretty awesome and you get a 30-day money back guarantee if you don't like them or if you feel like you didn't feel a change. No questions asked. You send the empties back and they will refund your money.
So I bought a pack.
As of this writing, it is day 6 and I am discovering things that I honestly didn't imagine were possible discovering. (Which you would think would not be the point, but it is.)
On day One, after a week of sleeping 3-4 hours a night (and catching the odd nap) to finish a transcription project and so tired of drinking coffee that it was starting to make me sleepy, the first dose I took of the vitality pack, an hour later, I began to feel mentally clear. Seriously, like a literal fog lifted from my brain.
An HOUR.
I was surprised (actually something closer to mild shock, but that may have been from remnant fatigue.)
I was able to go a meeting and interact like a normal human being. The mental clarity is beautifully refreshing.
There are miracles every moment of every day.
2 days ago I noticed how well my skin looked, especially on my hands. When my hands use to be dry, they looked like they were 103, and sometimes they cracked. Olive oil didn't seem to stay, and coconut oil didn't really do it after awhile.
It was my insides that needed help.
My left thumb nail was notorious for splitting. Now, no split. It's actually growing out rather fast and it's thick across the pad. So are the other nails.
My sense of humor is cheekier (subjective, I know.).
Today, I realized my focus was better than it has been in ages. It's not 100% (definitely 90+%), but I just really noticed it today, so I'm figuring things out as I go along.
I'm sleeping like a normal human and it's a week before my cycle starts and I don't want to do harm to my husband for some random absurdity!
There are miracles every moment of every day.

And that's basically what this blog post is about.
Periodically I'll post more discoveries. Maybe there might be a tweet, but sometimes (like today), that's not a possibility.

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Holiday Seasons

Hello, everyone.
I hope you are well and taking the holiday season in stride.
You do know, it's just stuff, right? :-)

Something occurred to me yesterday and I want to share it with you.
During the holidays, if you know of someone who has just lost someone close to them (or it's the anniversary of a crossing), give them a call or if you're able give them a hug, hug them from your heart and ask them how they're doing.
I remember when my grandmother died in late October 2005, that Thanksgiving was rough. I knew her spirit was there, but I was still adjusting to the feeling of the lack of her physical presence (plus, being around family dealing with the physical disconnection), and thinking back on it now, I would have LOVED more hugs then.
Hugs are some fabulous things. They close the gap between what you don't know what to say and what you don't know what to do.
They are great anytime of the year. They are God's way of saying, "Hey. You know, I know this moment is so important that it is beyond words, so I give you the gift of hugs to give to each other to completely say what you need to say."
So Happy or Merry _________________.
May peace always find you.
Love, Kristie

Friday, October 28, 2011

The Last Shout or Look, kids! A Butterfly! or A Brief Rambling

Hello!
My, it has been a while, hasn't it?
I hope you are all well.
I am doing pretty good.
Let's see.
Where should I begin on what's been happening with me?
I lost my job in January. That was an odd sensation, but everything has worked out for the better. I work from home now and I volunteer. When I was working a desk 9-5, that was not an option.
I was at the birth of my nephew. That's was pretty awesome. He arrived early, but he totally made up for it!
I am writing and editing now and I have to say that it has been an interesting experience of living the past 9 months.
To my joy, I have been watching a lot of the Science Channel.
We are tiny. So very, very tiny.
I've decided to dissolve my business at the end of the year. I had always felt a bit weird about incorporation. Ah, oh well. At least I gave it a good official try. No regrets on this side of the table. I'll still offer Reiki, but not in a business slant. It was never a business, but a way to help people through whatever was coming up for them get through it. That's probably why it felt weird.
Hmmm.
I lead a pretty quiet existence. Sometimes a little too quiet, but it beats begging for quiet and not getting it.
I wonder what next year will bring. It's almost 2012. Holy crap. Where did the time go?
Watching the Science Channel. :-)
I'll post more ramblings later.
Take care.
Love, Kristie 

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Patience of Foam (Or “A Good Teacher is a Good Student”)



“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”  --Confucius

Making proper clarified butter requires patience. You’re sitting there (or you are preoccupied with laundry) and you can’t rush the process or you’re defeating the purpose. And of course you’re not going to get it right the first time, because, one, you’ve never made clarified butter before, and, two, it will be likely (as in my case) that you will rush the process.
But in this, I have learned at least one multi-layered lesson. If I am praying (which, by the way, isn’t a one-time deal, but constantly ongoing) that I may be a healthier person, in mind, in soul, in body and with honor I have to let what I do not want in who I am rise to the surface to be skimmed off. I have to have patience in order to not give up on the process of skimming more than once in order for it to be most effective. I have to be aware of what it is so that when it does show itself, I am grateful that I recognize it and then focus on its opposite: Positivity, Appreciation, Silence, Patience, Calmness, Love, Happiness, Outrageous Joy, Compassion…. In the understanding of this, I have found my greatest joy: Consciousness. Being Awake.

I have my teacher to thank for this. Not so much in how she taught Reiki, but in how she taught with her life by example. She is being who she is. Being her word. She laid the foundation, teaching the technique, history, philosophy, sharing stories. She let me sort out the rest of it for myself and discover other things on my own.  She understands the patience of foam because she too is conscious of going through the process of understanding, learning and healing.

Humans always have room to grow.

About a year ago I asked my teacher about being a Level III practitioner. She said that it would be at least 3 years from the time I became a Level II that I could become a Level III. She said no more than this. I was baffled. It is at least 3 months between being a Level I to a Level II. I am a fast learner. I am a disciplined student. Why did I have to wait so long? I had accepted this but not without some sadness. I realize now that that sadness was my bruised Ego. A year later, I have come to understand the wisdom of teaching comes from being wise. I had to figure that out. And I think that I would have had to call my motives into question if I did ask her why it takes so long to become a Level III. From learning from my mistakes, learning from others mistakes, being conscious of what IS, this simply takes time. Rushing the process defeats the purpose.

Everything around you is a learning experience either by you being an active participant or as an observer. Now I understand. It will be three years this July since I became a Level II. It is a tremendous responsibility to be a teacher, one of which I know I will not take lightly. But instead of just jumping into it, I will speak with my Teacher and pray on it. July may as well be a thousand years from now with the way change has constantly been by my side. But that is the beauty of this practice.  Change is a welcomed companion.
Blessings to you all!

Happy New Year to You!

Love, Kristie