Simply Be Good to Yourself

Simply Be Good to Yourself

Hello!

It’s been awhile.

There have been many changes in my life. There have been so many times I wanted to sit down and write…So many things have been going on….

I have been thinking a lot about the Reiki principle “Honor and be kind to every living thing.”

During this process, I started a new job at a private mental health practice. One of my duties is getting authorizations from insurance and workers’ compensation companies. This often involves reading clinician notes to see if and when an authorization will be needed.

The stories.

‘Countless stories of men, women and children dealing with life circumstances that have unfortunately knocked them off their feet and swept them away.

One thing that has definitely come to the forefront of my consciousness is how incredibly hard people are on themselves. I see this because I am hard on myself. I am extremely lucky to be where I am in my life. With a great deal of certainty, if I had taken slightly different choices at key times in my life, I would be dead. And I say that not with any sense of doom or drama.

I am aware of my potential and how fortunate I am to be where I am in my life. I have a fully functioning body and mind. Why should I not work at 100% all the time?

Because the body and mind will quickly wear itself down.

Duh.

When I received each attunement and went out into the world to offer Reiki, I had this silly notion that I was automatically suppose to be “perfect” as soon as possible.

What an exercise in futility.

Two years ago feels like a thousand.

Healing for me has been an interesting process since I chose to become a Reiki practitioner. I understand and do so many things now that feel second nature. I have had countless self revelations that have left my mouth open in surprise.

Now, a bit wiser, I pamper myself more. I am still taking on a lot of projects, but at least I give myself the opportunity to actually consider doing something versus just automatically agreeing. I am still practicing, “Let me think about that” or at least asking for information first without feeling as though I failed the person making the request. For me, this is a pretty big deal.

Time has given me the opportunity to think about what has happened in my life and where I really want to go and heal from past events. I’m neither here-nor-there about the end of my Life, but at least I am enjoying the Present. This is the greatest gift I can give myself.

Being kind to myself has given me the love, energy and support I need to help others.

All the best to you,

Kristie

Clarified Butter and the Non-conformist: Introduction

Have you ever made clarified butter?

The directions that I have found vary, but essentially you melt 2 lbs of unsalted butter. Eventually you will bring it to a boil. Foam and solids come to the top and you skim it off with a spoon. You can keep it on the counter or in the refrigerator.

Reiki is much like making clarified butter.

It's pretty easy, but it takes patience.

Reiki energy is the heat.

You are the butter.

The saucepan is the safe and protected environment.

I "turn on the heat" by allowing it through my Crown chakra and it comes out from my hands.

The spoon is your willingness to recognize that stuff is coming up and needs to be removed.

The foam and solids are the stuff that weighs you down that comes to the surface to be skimmed off.

You have the ability to handle being in either cool or warm environments better than before.

No, you won't skim everything off the 1st time ('Sorry. You didn't learn to tie your shoes on the 1st go. This is no different.)

Yes, you will feel better after the 1st time.

Yes, you need to pay attention to what comes up for you so that you give yourself the opportunity to figure out WHY it came up. [And that's the rub. Most people either don't want to acknowledge they have crap (Or THAT kind of crap) tucked down inside, they freak out by what comes up and choose to bury it down deep or they just "glance at it," tuck it away and write it off as closure.]

Yes, if you feel it's too much to handle (even after journaling about the experience) you should speak to a mental health clinician.

No, you do not have to share what comes up for you with the Reiki practitioner.

Yes, it's rude if the practitioner asks what came up for you.

Yes, the practitioner is bound by common respect and professional decency to not share what you share with them.

Topic of the next blog: The Non-conformist's take on the Reiki principle "Honor and be kind to every living thing."

Fight-or-Flight-or-Submit

The word powerlessness is treated differently in different cultures; not just between countries, but within American society.

For a long time, I treated powerlessness as something to avoid; a goal that had no business being attainable.

But I have had many things happen recently that involved me having no control at all. I don't think that what I feel is terror, but more of a numbness, a confusion as to what is going on or what should go on.

And as I was laying in bed yesterday morning, too exhausted to get up and go to Church, in the space between consciousness and ??? (unconscious doesn't quite explain it), I was standing in a classroom watching, Ms. Erlene, my 1st grade teacher scream, yell, slap and squeeze my younger self's arm because I could not seem to get the difference between writing a 9 and a p. I stood there and watched the tears run down my red face as this woman spit flecks of the apple she was eating on the paper in front of me that had been erased and written on a thousand times....

And as I laid there, too tired to push the thoughts away, too surprised at having remembered something buried...down...so....deep... I finally wrote what I was suppose to and was dismissed to spend the rest of the lunch period outside.

"SEE NOW! ...ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS DO IT RIGHT!!!,

the scene went to another memory of my sister and I Trick or Treating and discovering that Ms. Erlene lived several houses up from our house and how as I gave her a weak smile, my stomach lurched in fear. She seemed nice then....

and again, years later hearing about her crossing over due to cancer and how, while I was young enough not to understand cancer, was a mix of sadness at a human being dying but was quietly glad because "the mean person would not be able yell at me ," ....but she did not seem like a mean person giving out candy. She was pleasant to my mother. All of the teachers had permission to discipline us if needed. I didn't think to question. I was to go to school to learn and behave...In my young brain that registered so many things as so very strange....

There were so many alien things back then. Much more than I even realize now.

So as I stand there, in that room almost 30 years later with clearer eyes; I open my mouth in this life and say,

"I forgive you, Ms. Erlene."

"You didn't understand that I didn't understand."

"I forgive you."

I'm not wild about how I had to figure out the visual difference between a 9 and a p, but it did allow me to see detail many people do not.

Fight-or-Flight-or-Submit

But I have seen what it has created.

It's created the need to do the right thing right and to do it right now. It's odd because I thought that steamed from something else, but I see that it began with Ms. Erlene.

I thought it came from my mother having to depend on me when she had to work 2 jobs (which was actually useful), but I see that that was a cover to hide what I experienced that day in the classroom...

Wow....

So now that I get that I officially and for real do not have to get everything single thing right the 1st time, I feel a bit disoriented (part of the healing reaction is feeling incredibly dizzy on top of being exhausted).

Now I'm having a what-do-I-do? moment.

I'm at a crossroads shrouded in a cold, dense fog and I have no idea how many paths there are let alone the path that will bring the most good for all concerned.

But as the hours pass, and I embrace the uncertainty a little more, I feel I am reaching a balance of some sort.

The fog will clear soon.

All the best to you.

Kristie

Well...I'm finally here

... Wherever "here" is.

It's the feeling of being in a room at first pitch black. Then there is light and you realize you're in the room by yourself. And then the room is filled with people, you are standing in the middle and no one is talking to you.

No one notices you.

But that's alright.

In fact. It's comforting.

Being okay with "what is" is comforting.

There is nothing to fight.

Nothing to flee.

Nothing to obsess

Or to repress.

It's the feeling of standing by a river bank and feeling the breeze and warm sun on your face

and in that moment

you are in presence of the purest essence of "what is."

For me,

this represents Reiki.

Please understand,

even as little as two years I had no conceivable thought of my life coming anywhere close to where it is now.

Five years ago I was the epitome of a neurotic wreck. Many times the madness felt like much too much.

But I have always known that there has been something waiting for me on the horizon. I just had to survive the demons on my journey.

So far so good.

I am reminded of a passage in the Lotus Sutra of being so filled with light that I am banished from the dark world. My inner light is so much brighter now. I reflect and attract that which I choose to have in my existence. I am so very grateful.

I'd like to say that it's been "perfect." But you can't learn from perfect; no matter the form.

Perfect means you don't stumble over your own feet.

Perfect means you don't pass gas (ever).

Perfect means you learned to tie your shoes on the first go.

Perfect means you never had to wear a diaper the moment you came out of the womb (actually, that sounds odd, but I digress).

I have a chiropractor (he's a very nice man that I do not have to see often).

I see a psychiatrist (she's a very nice lady that has helped me through a lot of stuff that Reiki has brought to the surface)

I have hypertension (which is genetic and the "last stand" out of all of the health issues I have had since becoming a Reiki practitioner).

I am priceless, but I have flaws.

All things considered I'd say that I'm doing well.

With Reiki, situations that 1st looked like problems or obstacles become situations or opportunities.

Sure, technically I'm fiddling with words, but it's profound when you look at something happening and actually choose how you look at it.

That doesn't happen overnight.

It's funny that even in these moments of "typing from the hip" the "aha" moments that surface.

Thank you allowing me to share.

More will come later.

Take care.

Kristie